A Shifting

I couldn’t go to sleep last night. Might have been the coffee I had before our FPU class or it could have been the pasta dinner after class. My mind was wandering a hundred miles an hour. Is there such thing as an ADD brain. I’m very detail oriented and can focus on task, I don’t get side tracked in my affairs but man my mind can go from one thing to ten different things in a matter of seconds. It’s kind of nerve racking sometimes. I’ll be sitting there thinking of something and before I know it I’ve thought about several other things and never resolved the first thing in my head. I am a major thinker. I don’t think my mind ever takes a rest. I think, I analyze, I ponder, I wonder, I question, I try and figure out, I reason, I even have conversations in my mind..(ok maybe I shouldn’t have said that). With me I have to make sense of everything, it has to all add up. Like one plus one equals two. Well if my thing doesn’t add up like that then I have to figure it out and make it add up. I’m sure by now you are realizing that I’ve probably had a lot of difficulty in my Christian walk with this kind of mind, huh? It seems that everything in the Christian walk is so different than what we are accustomed to. We are supposed to walk by faith not sight. Ohh, that has been a tough one for me! I don’t mind walking by faith I just like to make sure it all makes sense first. So do you think maybe this is some of the reason I have suffered in so many ways over the years? Kind of like the Israelites, they wandered around aimlessly for forty years. They grumbled and complained. I have wandered around aimlessly for too long, I have grumbled and complained way too much. I guess you can’t really change yourself or let God change you until you yourself finally decide that enough is enough and let that change begin. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired with my life. I am ready for change now and it doesn’t matter if nobody else changes, or if my circumstances don’t change, but I need a change. I always thought that once everybody else changed or when my circumstances changed then I could change. You know….I’ll be happy when_______. (Fill in the blank) Not so! Over the past several months I finally have been allowing change to come even though nothing else has changed.It’s not easy to swallow your pride and humble yourself and let the Lord do some major work in you. It’s not easy to say “ok, I’ll do whatever even if it doesn’t make sense or even if it wasn’t my fault, etc”. (It’s not easy to admit it to the world either) 😉 There has been some writing about maturity that I’ve read recently, I guess in the grand scheme of things I’m being called to finally GROW UP! My way is obviously not the right way, I was just too bull headed to give into that. Who wants to be wrong? I know I definitely don’t like being wrong. But you know what? I’ve been SO wrong!

You know what’s really exciting is that I sense a shifting in the winds in all areas of my life. I am so excited to see what God is going to do. I haven’t been this excited in a long time!

A work in progress, I keep saying that because it’s a reminder to me that God is working in me and will be until I die. I’m progressing and I thank God I’m not who I used to be even though I’m not where I want to be. Thank God He meets us right where we are at, no matter where that place might be.


1 Comment

  1. Lori Capace said,

    November 6, 2007 at 1:25 am

    You’re in the right place! God is sooo good and He is faithful to finish the work He has started. Enjoy the ride!

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