The Quest for the True Meaning of Love

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Everyone wants to love and be loved. But what is love? I am on a quest this year to come to the full knowledge and understanding of the love of Christ towards me. I want to know the length, the depth, the width and height of His love. I want the truth of love. No more human reasoning, no more thinking that I know what love is, no more worldly love, but true love.

Don’t I know Christ, you may ask. Well, yes I do know Christ as my Lord and Saviour. But I have always had somewhat of a distorted view of my God. I didn’t grow up in a God fearing nor God loving home. As a matter of fact I was pretty much taught that there was no God and no such thing as hell. I don’t know if I was told or just overheard it but I remember knowing that hell was living here on Earth. The very mention of God in our house usually wasn’t in a good way.

I have been a Christian for many years but have never understood and grasped fully the love of Christ. I know in my head that He loves everybody but have so doubted in my heart that He loves me. I have struggled so much in this area of my life. I’m sure my upbringing and things that have happened in my past have a lot to do with how I perceive who God is. I learned at a very young age not to trust anyone. My thought process through out the years has always been if you can’t trust your own family than you certainly can’t trust anyone else. I have always relied on and counted on myself. Submitting to God fully has been an issue with me over the years. I still at times think I know what’s best for me.

You see, I am a work in progress. I have come a long way and I try to remind myself of that. But I certainly have a ways to go. This year I have made it my quest to lose some of those shackles and chains that have me bound in my relationship with God. It is my heart’s cry to be loosed from fear and doubt, to really know and understand God’s love for me in a way that will stick for good. I’m tired of struggling with doubt and fear and all those other hinderances when it comes to my relationship with Christ. I want to be free! Free to love, free to be loved, free to live in peace, free to receive, free to give. I am hoping and praying that by the end of this year I can say without a doubt that I AM FREE!!

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